Excerpted from Stephan Host’s April 2nd blog entry:

Greetings minions! Baseball season has quickly sprung upon us. Alas! Tis the time I grant you my fantasy draft picks. Heed my magnificent choices:

Outfielders – Known for their swiftness and agility, unicorns bred by Maltyreo the Magnificent are your best bet. If need be, relegate a hobgoblin to right field.

Read on >

Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you. Do you have a minute? I kind of need you all to do a tiny favor for me. Just this once, all right?

It's just that the most embarrassing thing happened to me the other day. Are you ready? Promise me you won't laugh. Okay, soooo…I lost my cell phone. Read on >

Dear Danny,

I wrote you last month because I was having a problem with my classes. They were too boring, and you told me to engange them more. Well I did Danny, and now they're all dead--I'm talking about my teachers, my peers--dead, Danny. I don't know what to do and I think the police are after me. What do you suggest now, Daniel?

Class Conflicts (or Fuck you Danny you ruined my life)

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I could totally write for The Eastern Review

Let me start by saying one thing: I could totally write for The Eastern Review.

The ER has a lot of mediocre material with some prime cut sprinkled in--the dude in Condensed Books was pretty funny, and some of my friends liked Vagina Smell. They do some good stuff, but I would definitely be able to cook their grits, if you know what I mean. Get this headline, one of my best: New evidence indicates Lewis and Clark invented Eiffel Tower on Sacajewa. Read on >