A special edition version of The Bible will be released this coming week, to be sold in major stores across the country. Sources indicate that it will come with several highly anticipated bonus features, including a theatrical trailer, commentary, and at least one alternate ending. The full box set will retail for $79.99. Read on >

At 12:15 PM, Fozzie Bear was arrested in New York City for publicly masturbating inside of a New York “Build a Bear” shop. Fozzie Bear entered the premises at 11:48 AM looking for a present to get for his friend Scooter, allegedly for his upcoming birthday. But onlookers became very distressed when they noticed that Mr. Bear was clearly rubbing his groin at the sight of the cotton being stuffed into the bear. Read on >

Beatles frontman John Lennon was found dead today at his home in New York City.

“We woke up and went to breakfast, and then I parted from John and went out to shop, picked up dry cleaning, and prostituted myself,” said Yoko Ono, the late Beatle’s life-mate.