Dearest Readers of The Eastern Review,

I hope you all enjoyed your Spring Break. I know I did. My friends and I went waterboarding in California, and it was totally awesome. (Unfortunately, Fred didn't make it.)

I want to address you directly now, so get ready for some second-person action. I know what you're thinking about right now, as we publish our fifth groundbreaking issue. You're thinking, what's their take on this whole Eliot Spitzer situation? Or maybe, how does The Eastern Review rock my funny bone so hard? Perhaps you're wondering, how popular are these guys, really?

Let me tell you. Eliot Spitzer is an idiot; if he was looking for sex outside of the family, he should have tried animals, since they're not $10,000 an hour. And the secret to our humor? We drink a shitload of water.

But now I'll answer the most important question: The Eastern Review is growing with popularity with each issue. Don't believe me? Well, take a look at this scientific graph -- and remember, you can't argue with science:

As you can see, The Eastern Review's popularity now falls somewhere in between that of the famed Sears Tower and America's favorite improvisational comic, Ryan Stiles.

Don't take our word for it, though. Check out this Student Life article written about us, published on 3/5/08: New humor magazine cracks up campus.

The Eastern Review's powers also extend beyond humor-izing the masses. Our very own Josh Malina wrote an article about Anthrax showing up at the Malinckrodt food court: Anthrax found in Mallinckrodt falafel, JINES head fingered.

Well, I guess we at The Eastern Review are more prescient than we think, because, well, check out this Student Life Article: University tests disaster readiness with faux anthrax attack.

In a move reminiscent of Terry Gilliam's 12 Monkeys, it seems someone from Washington University got the idea that Malinckrodt could easily fall victim to an anthrax attack. Gee, Washington University, you're welcome.

Love,
Josh Delman
Editor-in-Chief