Alright guys, I got something important to say, so listen up: books suck, TV rules.

Forget what your English teacher or librarian said—books totally suck. I tried reading To Kill a Mockingbird for my class, and I realized it was like 400 pages! Then I started watching TV, and it was way better. Let’s do a little good old-fashioned comparison, ok?

A) Book pages generally come in two colors, black and white, with some colors and shit on the cover. Last time TV’s were black and white, Tom Roosevelt was president! Plus, you can buy HDTV’s now, which come with extra shows and movies I think. Advantage: TV.

2) Last time I checked, there’s no Budweiser commercials in books. You know that one where the guy goes to the ballet, and is like hiding beer in his jacket from his girlfriend? And then all the bottles break because the fat opera chick sings too loud? Fucking hilarious.

D) Books copy TV. Some kid told me he was reading Jurassic Park, and that’s when I realized how many books are just rip-offs of TV shows and movies. If they can’t even think up their own stupid stories, why should we read them? Advantage: TV again.

Now I’m not saying all books suck—some comic books are pretty cool, and I heard The DaVinci Code was decent. But as a whole, there worthless.

If you don’t believe me, just try inviting a girl back to your house to read. She’ll laugh in your face. Girls, dudes, pretty much everyone loves a huge TV. Next time some teacher tries to hand you a book, tell her to shut up. Books are for losers, and everyone knows it, so don’t read ‘em.