CHICAGO, IL -- Flatulence is the gaseous form of fat, announced the Academy of Human Biological Sciences on Monday, provoking a new fat-burning craze in The Diet World, on the second floor of the Galleria mall. As in the past, when those with eating disorders took laxatives to rid their cellulite ills, now the focus is on flatulence, as people “fart out the fat."

Products such as “More-beano,” “S’more Farts,” and “I smell like shit but I look great” have been selling faster than employees can get them onto store shelves.
“We’re swamped with desperately disfigured people ready to trade their bad looks for a stench twice as ugly. I feel like the devil, but in khakis!,” said a The Diet World employee.

As people trade in their mush for methane, a mushroom cloud has formed over three major cities, including Miami, Los Angeles and Paris, where the nasally adequate have moved out in hordes, only to be replaced by the noseless.

“We finally have it! The city is ours,” said a Frenchman, nasally.

Newly-hot people are also pleased by the results. “I know that air biscuits aren’t always the best, but neither is being big and fat. Why waste another night with the blind when I can get cornholed by a man with no nose?” asked a hot, smelly woman.