Move over Students for Obama! Get out of the way Lock and Chain! Suck a fat chode Dance Marathon Exec Board! There is a new group on campus and it wants recognition and results. The Troupe of Acapella International Neophytes Together (TAINT) is demanding that there be at least six more acapella groups on campus as to allow for a wider variety of musical genres and more concerts.

TAINT was started by freshman, Gary Fruitzel who, in his first weeks of school noticed that there were WAY too few acapella groups on campus. Fruitzel was also inspired to create TAINT after not getting into any acapella groups during auditions. He was disgusted when he found that no group embraced his affinity for singing the tenor parts of Celtic hymns. Not the Amateurs. Not Mosaic Whisperers. Not The Greenleafs. Not the Pikers. Not the Stereotypes. Not STAAM. Not the Aristocats. Not even More Fools than Wise (and lets be honest, they’ll take anyone with a mouth).

So Gary, along with some of his other friends (Tanya Cortez, Jorge Quadrangle, Venita Danforth, Esteban Perez, Patrick Duffy and Darnell LoTruglio) decided to take matters into their own hands. They have met with the Student Union Treasury Board to become a Category VI group (which entails no funding, no recognition by SU, but access to the SU button making machine) but were denied. According to Patrick Duffy, the treasury collectively “laughed in our faces, wiped each other’s asses with fifty dollar bills and then cackled that they were going to get rid of Happy Hour forever.”

Determined as a man pooping out a dictionary sideways, Gary and TAINT have made a list of all the acapella styles they wanted to see in future groups: Celtic, Electronic, Waltz, Neo Neoclassical, Maritime, Calypso, Christian Rock (which they later found out does already have an acapella group on campus-Deliverance) and Funk Rock. Their charter also mentions how TAINT is sick of hearing the typical Coldplay medleys, poor Dave Matthews impersonations and white people singing songs by Usher or Kanye West.

TAINT wants more from their acapella groups than just synchronized head bobbing, freakish smiles and beatboxing that requires people in the first three rows to wear waterproof ponchos. TAINT wants diversity, new songs, and better choreography and wants it now.

Their goal is to see at least six of these acapella groups on campus next fall, and with hope, and a little help from Venita’s family, the Danforths, the TAINT will grow and connect students all over campus, spreading music, love, and joy.