Subj: I REQUEST URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

Dear Sir,

Please, for your time, I am writing this letter because you are a good business man, I have trust in you, I must request an urgent business relationship.

I am writing this letter because of several errors in our Committee for Appropriation of Fund's (CAF). I am Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and prince in charge of awarding all contracts, including an excess sum of $22 million (twenty-two million United States-American dollars.) Included in this sum are the following contracts: Computer optimization, $13,000,000.00. Movement of materials, $6,000,000.00. Monax Turbines: $2,000,000.00. Pizza from your delicious Domino's: $1,000,000.00.

Due to irrevocably erroneous contract relationships (IECR), I cannot access these funds. I ask for your help as I am referred to you by several agents. We will transfer the money into your account, and withdraw it later upon arrival in the American United States (AUS). You will receive the remaining 25% of the contract. All modalities have been confirmed. I will take the remaining 60%, and the remaining 15% will handle transferral's of funds and accounts. If this proposal is acceptable to you, contact me at princeattanmak_05@oneuse419.com.

Yours faithfully and always,
Prince Attan Makola

***

Hey Eastern Review,

I must take offense to an article published in Issue 1.3 of The Eastern Review, entitled "Lettuce: Friend or Foe?" I am a door-to-door Lettuce Salesman, and now people won't even let me on their porches because of your stupid article! Last week, some guy next to me was eating a salad with SPINACH! Spinach, damnit!

Next time you write an article about the Holy Green Gift, make sure you do your research first, alright? We all know that Iceberg has very low nutritious value. But do you have to go around mudslinging Romaine? Jerks.

Fred Derp

***

Dear Resident Occupant,

Donald Trump here. YOU, Resident Occupant, have been selected to receive two very exclusive tickets to one of my very influential and powerful conferences, The Donald Trump(R) Conference. I specifically selected YOU, Resident Occupant, to receive these tickets because I know that you have expressed a great deal of interest in learning how to become a more powerful, influential person. Remember, these tickets are just for YOU! Did you know that I am one of the most successful person(s) in the world? I bet you did, because YOU, Resident Occupant, are a smart guy/gal.

Though I love my beautiful wife Melania, I want to express how much it would mean to me if YOU, Resident Occupant, came to my The Donald Trump(R) Conference. In fact, I'd marry YOU, Resident Occupant, if you came, as long as you're female, and if you're male, I have no problems moving to Massachusetts.

See you there!

Donald Trump