A brief look at world news and affairs:

Residents of Republic of Georgia protest sharing name: Large-scale protests occurred this past week in the Republic of Georgia, a small Eastern European nation located on the Black Sea. According to organizers, many residents are "furious that puny state has taken name of the glorious kingdom! WE are Georgia, and if they steal our name again, the fire of wrath will rain down on America like rain!" When contacted, a representative from the state of Georgia's Board of Tourism responded, "From the skyline of Atlanta to the greens of Augusta, the Peach state has something for everyone. Discover Georgia!"

Salvation Army ordered to disarm: The international community has officially ordered the longtime charitable militia to destroy all large-scale destructive weapons, along with annoying bells and guilt-tripping disabled donations collectors. This comes after investigations by UN weapons inspectors revealed amounts of long-distance targeted missiles and greater than the permitted maximums by the 1998 treaty. They were also forced into dumping out much of the change from their pockets.

Librarygate scandal erupts over massive Library of Congress overdue charges for several senators: An independent investigation revealed that several prominent senators, including presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton, have amassed large overdue charges from the Library of Congress. After being confronted about keeping The Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit seven months overdue, she responded, "This wasn't me...I didn't take out that movie...I don't even think it's that kind of library." Critics of Clinton, though, claim the event as yet another episode in her history of fiscal irresponsibility and library misconduct.