Hey, folks and folkettes, this here’s Matt Mock’s intern, Ben Balk, coming at you almost live from downtown Quebec, merely hundreds of miles from Wall Street! Matt Mock’s heart’s flaring up again and while he’s having a quadruple bypass he’s put me in charge of his column! I was so excited I almost had my own heart attack, but I didn’t because unlike some people I could mention I have a modicum of self control and don’t scarf down donuts every time one of my investments goes sour.

This week’s column is going to be a little different from Matt’s usual stock advice, because frankly if you’ve been buying up everything he’s recommended so far you’re probably so low on money that risking any more in the stock market is a ticket straight to Hobo Central, and let me tell you, being a hobo in Quebec is a ticket straight to Freeze to Death Central. These are not cheerily named train stations and you don’t want to go to any of them. So this column is going to be about another, safer investment strategy: venture capitalism.

For those who don’t know what venture capitalism is, here’s a quick rundown: it’s sexy and hi-tech. Got it? Unfortunately, being a venture capitalist is risky. You might back a company that goes south and then you’re up a creek without a paddle and you have herpes. The trick, then, is to remove yourself from the risk: invest in a venture capitalist! You’ll want to pick a smart one, so go for someone who wears a business suit but doesn’t cringe when you say something like “synergy” or “Web 2.0” or “Facebook.” Give them any money you have left, sit back, and watch the dough roll in! Until next time, readers, happy investing!