BERLIN – On Tuesday, Germany announced its plan to petition the world for a “do-over” with regards to World War II. In anticipation of success, it has already begun to rebuild its military infrastructure to pre-World War II levels.

“As everyone knows, we never felt like we really lost World War I, which led to the horrible devastation of World War II. Nobody wants that again, so this time let’s do World War II again and we’ll get a final result out of the thing, completely removing any doubts anyone has about who’s the best,” said German chancellor Angela Merkel.

Other nations have been somewhat reticent towards Germany’s call for war. “As much as I’d love to send wave after wave of proletariats to their death, these days we try to confine the killings to journalists and dissidents,” said Russian president Vladimir Putin.

Emperor Akihoto of Japan echoed the sentiment. “Even if we were to find some way to keep from getting nuked again, which I would like to note totally sucked, I don’t think we’d want another go at World War II. Do you know how much planes cost these days? The cost/benefit analysis for kamikaze flights would give you a headache if you could see it. And now that everyone knows what ‘kamikaze’ means we aren’t getting many volunteers.”

Not all nations have been so reluctant to embrace Germany’s plan. President Bush had this to say at a recent press conference: “What my approval rating wouldn’t give for some good old Nazis to knock around!” The President then fired a World War II-era Tommy gun into the air with a “yeehaw.”

Regardless of enthusiasm in the international community, Germany’s war plans continue unhindered. “Frankly we don’t even care if you guys are ready, because if this is going to be authentic we’re going to just blitz straight into Belgium before you all know what’s up. So whatever. Listen, could you send some Jews over this way? We’re going to be running low soon and someone’s going to have to do my taxes and run the banks,” said Merkel.