TAMPA – Michael Collins, the astronaut who orbited the moon while Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong landed on it, said Friday that he is still getting far fewer requests to speak than Armstrong. He also noted that the amount he is paid per speech is substantially lower.

“I’ve counted, and he gets at least five calls for every one I get. I mean, it’s ridiculous. Someone had to fly the thing while Neil danced around with the moon rocks!” said Collins, dressed in a replica spacesuit outside Armstrong’s house, which he is currently picketing.

Collins says the inequity goes back almost to the moment Armstrong stepped on the moon. “I come back to Earth, which is my first chance to stretch my legs in who knows how long, and everyone’s spouting off ‘one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’ Ignoring how confusing that is, how come nobody remembered what I said?” These words (“I bet it’s cold on the moon. Well, it’s warm here. I’m happier here. And I can touch myself. Collins to mission control, I’m horny.”), Collins argues, are far more gripping.

Despite continual protests, it does not appear that Collins is going to surpass Armstrong in popularity in the near future. Neil Armstrong did not respond to any requests for comments. Buzz Aldrin punched the reporter who asked.