ST. LOUIS -- In a sharp rebuke to campus humorists, police officials declared that Chancellor Mark S. Wrighton, 59, is "not" a pot dealer.

Representatives from the humor community decried the announcement.

"It's very funny to think that our esteemed chancellor, the leader of a very prestigious university, sells drugs. Wow, that's rich. The humor community thrives on this irony, and if the authorities decide to destroy these perceptions, well, we're going to have a hard time making the next issue," said a humor periodical representative.

Police officials, however, celebrated the announcement, calling for similar action against humorous publications across the globe.

"Since the dawn of time, humor magazines, pamphlets, and blogs have targeted the communities of authority that surround these publications. They have been agents of political change. And as the proxies of such power, the police have recurrently been the butts of their jokes. We therefore urge our comrades in enforcement to take the irony out of life--cops of the world, unite!," said a local police force representative.

Leaders like Wrighton similarly championed the announcement clearing his name, and the international police initiative to further that aim.

"Do you have any idea how fucking annoying it is to be slandered all of the time? It's not something you get used to. So I'm glad that the police have taken such a hard stand against humor. At least this way I won't have to kill the humorists myself," said Wrighton.