ST. LOUIS -- Sources reported Monday that Jason Palmer, an acquaintance of a friend, seems like a pretty neat person at first, but when you spend some time with him, it becomes apparent that he’s just not all there. “He’s kind of a jerk, but his jerkiness reveals itself slowly, after you’re familiar enough with him so that avoiding him is sort of awkward,” said one source close to Jason.

Jason seems like a nice enough person at first, but “either familiarity breeds contempt or it just takes a little while for you to notice the asshole-ish stuff,” because after a while his personality becomes extremely grating. This commonly manifests itself in the form of passive aggressive remarks that one source “ignored, until I realized that that’s basically all that Jason says,” or “this thing he does where he’ll take your stuff and pretend it was by accident, or stab you with a knife and then say he thought you were a bear. It’s bullshit.”

Jason himself could not be reached for comment, as he has not returned any calls or e-mails since borrowing five dollars, even though he promised he’d pay it back the next day. Jason has even gone so far as to skip class in order to keep from having to return the five goddamn dollars. I mean seriously, what the hell. Five dollars.