There was a time when we ate canned corn, canned cake, and canned water, and we liked it. Now-a-days, those kinds of foodstuffs would probably make a kid go ker-splat, so these companies keep releasing new foods. Why, just the other day, I was browsing my local Super Market for nourishment and I saw some Birdseye Frozen Dinners. Now, tell me something, how do you eat this stuff if it's frozen? What are you supposed to do, wait for it to unthaw?

What are these people going to think of next, huh? Alright, alright, forget the frozen dinners. Next thing you're going to tell me that any shlub off the street can eat yogurt while they're walking around! That's right, Gogurt has debuted, and it sickens me. Listen, folks -- I don't think God made yogurt so that it could be eaten while walking. You people don't realize that He made yogurt so you could smear it on your jimmy and have a fine young dame or a dog, or a cat, or if you're into it, a salamander, lick it off.

And what's with this sudden proliferation of sandwich places? Subway's, Quiznos's... the list goes on and on, but I'll spare you the annoyances. Basically, you walk into one of these places, and then tell them what to put on your sandwich. You're telling them what to do! I do some work as a pirate for extra money on the weekends, and if you came aboard one of my ships and told me what to do, I'd tell you to walk the plank.