I see the guys on the street, what do they want? They want money! I can help you get that money! I know people who know the people on the inside. I will hook you up with the hot tips on the up-and-comers you gotta hit fast so here we go:

NAI - Nanotechnology Associates Inc. These guys are absolutely nuts, they designed a mind-control device that's totally ready for production and rolling out next spring. Apparently you can put this implant in whatever fucker you want, control their mind, make 'em rob banks or kidnap rich babies for you, starting for $2000. There's gonna be a huge demand for this one so get on while you still can.

SON - Sonic Fast Food Restaurants, they've been advertising the shit out of this nation while preparing to open locations in the target markets. Once they do, there is such a pent-up demand for breakfast wraps with tater tots in 'em that there will be lines from here to fucking Acapulco. Translation: Buy buy buy buy buy.

AAARA - Arctic and Antarctic Real Estate Agency. Most people see global warming they see a big problem but not this company. They bought up tons of acreage at both poles, selling it for vacation homes, villainous lairs, potato farms just as soon as the ice melts. This one's not gonna get you rich today but sometime next year it will EXPLODE.

PIRC - Pirates Central Operating Agency. An oldie but a goodie. They've been plundering, raping, and pillaging since your great-great-grandma had a perky rack. The market's forgotten about them but you shouldn't--they're paying huge dividends and they're just starting to tap the key markets of N. America (Long Island and Coastal Florida). When they're driving Maurie Rabinowitz's Beemer and pounding his trophy wife, you wanna be in on the action.

IIC - Immigrant Investment Corp it trades on the NYSE and it is hot hot hot. You gotta get on this one, they trade futures on illegal immigrants and migrant workers, there is a HUGE demand and it's only getting bigger. Ride this baby for the next few months and then sell when you're rich--don't wait too long because they're building a fence.

MHUNT - That's right folks, the Milfhunter is going public! I don't need to tell you how good this guy is. Shawn Rees is perhaps the best we've ever seen and he's only going to ramp it up when his stock options are riding on his week-to-week performance. This might be the biggest IPO in years so don't say I didn't warn ya...