PRATO, ITALY--A recent discovery of an image of the Virgin Mary has been called a "miracle" and "evidence of God's glory" by local religious leaders. Stunned city residents are breathlessly awaiting the Pope's impending visit to confirm the miracle by diocesical standards. A painting housed in the private collection of local collector Giovanni Esposito--The Madonna of the Carnation, by Leonardo da Vinci--is the source of the excitement.

"I was a-looking at my beauty one day, when all of a-sudden I saw it. I bent down and a-kissed the ground!" gushed Esposito. "Our mother has a-visited us, and I am a-thanking the grace of God everyday."

The supposed likeness of the Virgin Mary's face sits just above the neck and body of the figure in the painting, which is cradling a baby Jesus. Some skeptics, however, contest that the finding is any sort of evidence for a divine appearance.

"Throughout history, people have found supposed images of gods and deities in all sorts of objects. But scientific analysis unequivocally shows that these are not expressions of God, but merely random assortments of folds, or lines, or in this case, brushstrokes," stated party-pooper Barbara Neely. "We can be sure that the creator of this painting in no way intended to portray the Virgin Mary."

As various groups debate whether the image is 'the real McCoy' or merely a fake McCoy, some extremely devout Christians have discussed forcing their beliefs upon others.

"The VM definitely appeared in that painting, and if we can't convince people of that, they pretty much deserve to die." said taxidermy enthusiast and die-hard Ku Klux Klansmen Al Joyner. "So we brainstormed for a while, and came up with an idea: if they won't accept it, we'll kill 'em. To be honest it was mostly my idea. Okay I'm going to go do some taxidermy I'll see you later."