WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A White House spokesman has released information concerning Bush's pardoning of a turkey this past Thanksgiving.

"President Bush was supposed to pardon Mr. Bergworthings, a turkey who was falsely incarcerated for an aggrevated pecking charge. We have received word from several turkey authorities that the turkey pardoned on Thanksgiving was actually a ravenous, murdering turkey named Mr. Worthingsberg. Don't worry, though. The United States government has this completely under control."

Several members of the Washington, D.C. ACLU chapter expressed outrage when the turkey lined up for pardoning was later killed, stuffed, and served with a delicious side of cranberry sauce.

"This is why we should remove the privledge of pardoning altogether," said Alec Dorson, president of the ACLU chapter. "The current policies are obviously a breach of the Constitutional limitations on the executive branch. If the President doesn't know who he's pardoning, he shouldn't be allowed to do it."

The President spoke in response to the event earlier today. "Perhaps it is time for reform in standard turkey naming conventions," the President said. "Everyone knows that turkeys must be named with a title, such as Mr. or Mrs., and name that includes the word 'worthings.' This has led to an unimaginable number of errors that occur each Thanksgiving."

Ted Mars, a member of the U.S. Turkey Naming and Labelling Committee, spoke at a conference held at the USTNLC headquarters in New York. "It is ridiculous to suggest change in a naming convention that has been working for years. For example, everyone knows that tomatoes are fruits, but we call them vegetables so that a fucking revolution doesn't break out. The Worthings naming convention must stay."

Mr. Mars then turned to a turkey on a leash at his side and added, "Isn't that right, Mr. Worthingsworth? For years, our government has been training turkeys to kill in a secret CIA program. It's time to end this barbaric process so that we may go back to indiscriminately slaughtering turkeys in order to plump up for the upcoming cold winter." He then slit the turkeys throat, spilling its guts all over the floor.