A Gallup poll released Wednesday indicates that 100% of Americans are willing and able to respond to surveys that they receive in the mail. “This surprising data wildly surpasses even our largest previous estimates” notes Sarah Downington, spokesperson for Gallup. “We were definitely taken aback by the overwhelming evidence.”

The survey, conducted via mass mailing, measured participants’ willingness to take part in a survey. Down to the last respondent, everyone who participated answered “yes” or “probably” to the question “are you willing to participate in surveys?” “After seeing numbers similar to this from our first sample group, we widened the poll to include many, many more people. The statistics held,” said Downington. “We couldn’t find even one person taking the survey who would say that they do not take surveys.”

Although the data is basically conclusive, a number of detractors have called into question Gallup’s polling methods. “This data is highly suspect,” claims Rich Wahlberg, Co-Chair of the People Against Surveys organization. “I know for a fact that not one member of my organization was counted in this poll.”

Downington countered, noting that any attempt to survey members of People Against Surveys was met with failure. “What can I say? We tried. We just never received any of the surveys that we mailed to them. Hopefully the nonparticipation of those who feel this way hasn’t skewed our data too much.”