Fat Wheeler resident and Washington University sophomore Terrence Phoebes only wears a little shirt in his room, according to the northern most residents of Danforth House. Dubbed “Naked Below the Waist,” Phoebes occupies a fourth floor, southern-quadrant dorm room with a clear view of the Swamp, and is causing some trouble.

Male residents of Danforth have found NBW’s weight, at 306 lbs, to be disconcerting. “I normally don’t mind fat-asses, but goddamnit I’ve never seen so much cottage cheese!” said freshman Mike Murgin, who watches NBW from the hammocks after class.

The sentiment is not quite the same among co-eds, who perceive Phoebe’s presence much differently.

“He’s really too fat for such a revealing view,” said Saint Louis University freshman Alyson Kernel, who noticed NBW while visiting her girlfriend at WashU. “But I would still suck him off.”

Kernel’s sentiment is shared by others, including freshman and Danforth resident Teresa Suarez.

“I would do it just cause this is college and I have to sexperiment. It ain’t Teri from the block anymore. It’s Teri in college with fat white niggas,” Suarez said, commenting on the large Caucasian population at the University.

NBW’s antics recently became even more visible when he relocated his bed to his window, where he jerks off twice daily.

“Terrence has always been a big boy, and always sweaty below the belt. I don’t fault him for never wearing underpants; I fault the authorities for allowing people such a revealing view,” said NBW’s mother, Bari Phoebes. “I couldn’t afford an abortion.”