Bush pardons wrong turkey

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A White House spokesman has released information concerning Bush's pardoning of a turkey this past Thanksgiving.

"President Bush was supposed to pardon Mr. Bergworthings, a turkey who was falsely incarcerated for an aggrevated pecking charge. We have received word from several turkey authorities that the turkey pardoned on Thanksgiving was actually a ravenous, murdering turkey named Mr. Worthingsberg. Don't worry, though. The United States government has this completely under control." Read on >

This December, airports will be flooded with people flying home so that they can remember all of the horrible times they've had with their families. Here's some tips to use so that you can avoid trouble at the airport:

1. Pack all of your clothing outside of your luggage.
How often do you get off a plane and go to baggage claim, only to find that someone else has taken your bags? These days, many bags look alike, so the way to prevent something like this from happening is to tape or glue all of your clothing to the outside of your bag. That way, you can identify your luggage by the clothing you wear. Read on >

What's the deal with robots?

Some people might call me a racist for speaking my mind, but if loving my country and hating kinds of people different than myself is racist, then yeah, I don't mind being called one. I'm going to do what no one else has the balls to, and come right out and say it:

Robots are ruining our country.

They're in our car factories, our space probes, and our robot technology conventions. By 2030, 1 out of every 5 Americans will be a robot. That's a fact. Do you want your little girl to grow up in a nation where she might be bought and sold by robots any day of the week? Read on >

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