I’m sick and tired of girls getting all the dick around here.

They complain so much about equality between men and women, and how women only get 75 cents for every dollar that a man makes. Well, fuck that. I want a cock in my ass, and I want it now, if not 5 minutes ago. Ya see, I’m horny as hell right now and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve experimented with amyl nitrates and double-headed jelly fucksticks, but nothing quite compares to the feeling of the male member in my anus. Don’t get me wrong, though, ladies; I'm on the Yankees. That means I have a huge cock, a hairy chest, and I use copious amounts of steroids, and I'm ripped and cool, and -- holy shit. Here comes Steinbrenner.

I think what I’m trying to get at here is that it is important that we protect our environment. Every day, more and more carbon dioxide is released into the air from gasoline-powered vehicles, which builds up in our atmosphere and reflects insolation (incoming solar radiation) back at us, cooking our planet in a vein similar to the way Hannibal Lecter enjoyed cooking the viscera of his victims. So please, recycle.