Construction is progressing on campus with the University’s continued erection of the Danforth University Center and Underground Parking Garage, just east of Simon Hall, where a pedestrian walkway was recently installed.

“Wherever there are men erecting something, it’s often a good idea to clear away bystanders, unless they want to get wet,” said Ralph Jones, Associate Vice Chancellor of facilities for the University.

The new walkway allows passerbi to traverse the erection site safely, albeit in right angles, which most people un-obsessed with efficiency find perfectly all right.

“The system is so designed that people must take a more indirect route to go toward a place they want to get to, which is hardly welfare maximizing. We should leave the safety up to them, and they can decide if the benefits outweigh the costs,” said Charles Moul, professor of Economics at the University.

Facility administrators, however, insist that people can’t decide for themselves what is safe and what is not, and so they must be guided by the warm and gentle hand of bureaucracy to get them along in life.

“Just look at that lady who spilled coffee on herself at McDonald’s and then complained that it was too hot. People need guidance. Holy shit, really look at her! She’s walking right into the erection site!” said Jones.

It was true, of course. That unlucky woman who was paid by the Justice System to pour coffee on her inner thighs had just entered the ditch.

In the future, the University plans to erect more gothic buildings.