Washington University Police Officers arrested Jewish, Islamic and Near Eastern Studies director Pamela “Muhamed” Barmash on Monday, following the discovery of anthrax spores in Mallinckrodt falafel balls, a now standard meat alternative at the wrap station. Muhamed denied the charges.

Police discovered the poison after infidel freshman Mary Lincoln began coughing uncontrollably while eating a falafel wrap last Friday, presumably choking on balls. Yet when Lincoln wouldn’t stop, and all balls jokes had been exhausted, she died.

Police offers immediately went to Muhamed at her office in Busch Hall basement, said Chief Don Strom.

"Everyone knows she's the biggest terrorist on campus. It just made logical sense," the Chief added.

In an e-mail to the Review, Muhamed denied the charges, but still commended the righteousness of the attack and the virtue of jihad in general.

“Can these kids even begin to appreciate the rich cultural history surrounding the creation of falafel? Thousands of years of Islamic scholarship and what do they have? Bad hummus and an Administration that persistently shits on the Middle East. These students don’t deserve fried chick pea or their pathetic lives. Ttyl, got to go work on the dirty bomb,” Muhamed wrote.

Other suspects in the case include all members of the Jena 6 and Teardrop, the wrap station rapper.